


Balancing on Breaking Branches

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Hunter's moon 500 Word Prompts [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Loss, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Simon knew he was going to lose people - a lot of people - but he always thought Alec would be there to help him through some of those losses.He never expected Alec to be the first one.
Relationships: Clary Fray & Simon Lewis, Simon Lewis & Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Alec Lightwood
Series: Hunter's moon 500 Word Prompts [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776664
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26
Collections: Hunter's Moon 500 Prompts





	Balancing on Breaking Branches

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skylar102](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar102/gifts).



> 500 word prompt: Grave
> 
> Also for [Morgan's](http://skylar102.tumblr.com) birthday, because she said I could write her angst and we always bring out the best (worst?) angst from each other <3

Simon knew he was going to lose people - _a lot_ of people - but he always thought Alec would be there to help him through some of those losses.

He never expected Alec to be the first one.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It’s the only complete thought Simon can manage, the only thing his mind can rationalize. Alec shouldn’t be dead.

They’d only been dating for 9 months. They should’ve had so many more... so many more months, years, maybe even decades of Simon introducing Alec to sci-fi classics and taking him to local indie rock concerts, and Alec teaching Simon some of the billion languages he was fluent in and working on Simon’s archery, and--

He isn’t sure when he started crying, but the tight squeeze of Clary’s hand in his brings Simon back to reality, to the room of Nephilim in white, and he’s suddenly aware of the dampness on his face. At least the tears are silent, not drawing any more attention toward him than he’s already getting as ‘ _Alec’s vampire’_.

Simon hates how bright the room is with all the white. He hates that Alec won’t have a grave he can visit since he isn’t allowed in the Silent City. He hates that Alec didn’t even get to go out in some blaze of epic Nephilim glory - just a routine mission gone wrong, a poisoned demon talon that clawed too deep, too close to the heart.

_These things happen… Shadowhunters know the risks… always ready to sacrifice..._

Simon’s heard enough of that nonsense to last all of his future lifetimes.

Now people _are_ staring, and Clary’s saying his name over and over again, trying to calm him down because his cries are no longer silent. They’re increasingly violent sobs that nearly shake Clary and Isabelle’s hands off his shoulders as they guide him out of the hall.

“I’ll be fine,” Simon says, feeling selfish for making a scene. Isabelle’s eyes are red but she’s holding herself together so well, Simon doesn’t know if he should be impressed or concerned. “You should be in there. _I_ should be in there. _Fuck._ ”

“It’s alright, Simon. There’s time before the ceremony starts. If you don’t want to go back in you can wait out here,” Isabelle reassures him.

“I can wait here with you,” Clary offers.

“But I want to be in there,” Simon insists. “I have to. Iz, I-”

Alec was always the steadfast one holding him together when things got rough, and now that things are the roughest they’ve ever been Alec isn’t here to keep him going, and Simon feels like his world is falling apart.

“I’m going to be losing people I love for the rest of my life,” Simon says. “I have to be able to face that.”

“We’re right here,” Clary promises. “You don’t have to face it alone.”

She’s right - he might not have Alec by his side, but he’s far from alone. For now that’ll have to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


End file.
